Tag Archives: Practicing Saxophone

Ask Yourself “This Question” Instead Of “That Question” For Optimal Satisfaction

selective focus photography of piano keys
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“A man’s a genius just for looking like himself.”

-Thelonious Monk

When I first fell in love with the idea of playing music, it was because I wanted to play jazz. And the thing that impressed me the most about my favorite jazz musicians was how authentically they expressed themselves. It was like you could “see” who they were as human beings simply by listening to the sounds they were making. Often you knew just by they way they played a single note.

I wanted that magic more than anything I’d ever wanted before in my young life. I wanted to be able to let something deep inside me come out to show the world who I was, the way my jazz heroes did.

So I began serious study of the flute and the saxophone. I practiced diligently and thoughtfully, really putting in the time and effort.

But it wasn’t long into my studies when my motivation began to transform. It shifted from the idealized notion of “what I wanted to do”, to whether or not what I was doing was “good” or “bad”, “right” or “wrong”, etc.

Of course this is normal, and it made sense at the time. I really wanted to learn to express myself, and there must be a single, correct way to do so (or so my young mind thought).

The up side of this shift was that I became aware of all the things I had to address in order to be able to develop the skills I needed to express myself.

But as the years passed, some unintended consequences came along with this emphasis on looking for what was good or bad, or right or wrong, in my playing. In short, I’d lost touch with that original, beautiful motivation for why I wanted to play in the first place.

I’d lost touch with the magic.

There was not a single thing that I did as musician that felt exclusive (or deeply connected) to me. My sound was pleasant and full, my technique solid, I could improvise reasonably skillfully in a variety of styles.

But there was nothing in what I played that felt like it was that same “me” that wanted to play music in the first place those years before.

It was a strangely unsatisfying feeling. On the one hand I was playing “pretty well”, getting gigs and playing in a variety of ensembles. On the other hand, I didn’t really like (or dislike, for that matter) much of what I played.

Then something shifted in my attitude. It began as I pondered a rather odd, hypothetical question that came to mind one rainy afternoon as I sat in my practice room:

“How would my playing change from this point onward if I knew nobody but ‘me’ would ever hear ‘me’ again?”

I spent a long time with this question, meditating on it daily for many weeks. I began to journal quite meticulously about my thoughts. Great details began to emerge in my journaling about my conception of sound, about aesthetics in improvisation (especially phrasing, and silence), about expanded sonic possibilities and techniques on saxophone, and more.

My imagination came to life! I became excited about how I was pondering this question, and was greatly inspired to practice in a completely new way.

To this day, I’m profoundly grateful for asking that question. Because that is the question I needed to ask in order to bring myself back to my original motivation to play music, those years ago. To bring myself back to the magic.

And it has been that “original motivation” that keeps me so endlessly engaged in my process as a musician, and in my growth as a human being.

In essence, what happened was a change in a basic question about assessing myself and my needs as a musician.

Instead of asking myself the question,

“Is this good?” (or “bad”, as the case may be), about anything that had to do with my playing, musical conception, etc.,

I began to ask myself instead,

“Is this what I want?”

Now, you might be thinking that these are the same thing. But the difference in how you might proceed, depending on which of these questions you ask yourself, can be huge.

And for sure there is overlap. A rich, flexible and resonant sound is a “good” thing, and it can also be “something I want”.

But when I go to “what I want” as a guideline, I turn to an intrinsic set of values to guide me toward a rich, flexible and resonant sound. I start thinking and imagining things more specifically, with great attention to detail.

A “rich, flexible and resonant” sound manifests itself in an enormous variety of colors and voices. And when it is my voice, my imagination…well, it just becomes clear and deeply satisfying to experience and to express.

You see, one of the potential drawbacks of the “good/bad” question is that it too typically comes from an extrinsic set of values, from things outside of the imagination and desire of the artist.

In my experience teaching the Alexander Technique to young, emerging performing artists (of a variety of disciplines), this assessment of “good” can sometimes come with a lack of clarity and details.

“I just recognize ‘good’ when I hear it”, is not a particularly constructive conception. Aimless and meandering, at best.

And the assessment of “bad” with these same artists is also too often lacking in useful information and details.

When I can help them to change the inquiry from “good/bad” to “want/don’t want”, they are able to seamlessly merge good technical qualities with authentic self expression. It’s win/win.

So give yourself a chance to think about these two questions. Explore them in the practice room with love and genuine curiosity. Keep them in mind when you’re listening to music you really love, too.

Allow yourself, as Thelonious Monk said, to “look like yourself”. This beautiful world we live in needs your voice.

For This “Career Ending Condition”, There Is Hope

Around 25 years ago, I started noticing a deeply troubling change in my saxophone playing experience. Simply put, I would have days where I just couldn’t seem to get the fingers of my left hand to do what they could so easily and naturally always do before in order to express myself musically.

At first this was a phenomenon that seemed to come and go, but after about 5 years of this “come and go”, I fell rather immediately into a period of complete loss of control of the fingers of my left hand.

The strange thing was that my left hand worked just fine in any other activity…writing, using hand tools, cooking…activities that require a good amount of fine motor skill.

Yet the moment I even touched the keys on any of my saxophones, my fingers would curl up uncontrollably.

I got to the point where I couldn’t even hold the fingers of my left hand down onto the keys of the saxophone, much less play anything resembling music. I had to stop accepting any kind of work playing saxophone, as well as even just enjoying a rehearsal or jam session. I could no longer play. Simple as that.

To say that I fell into a deep despair would be an understatement.

It was after seeing a physician (a very good internal medicine doctor, whose specialty was in diagnosis), that I learned that I most likely had a form of focal dystonia. I went on to get a diagnosis from a neurologist to confirm this.

The term “focal dystonia” was something I’d never heard before. But the symptoms, this type of unexplained loss of skill specific to the act of playing music, was not unfamiliar to me.

I had encountered several other musicians over the years prior to the emergence of my condition who had similar experiences. In fact, one of my closest friends and musical colleagues, a highly skilled and highly accomplished trombonist, was experiencing this same phenomenon with his facial muscles and tongue.

So what is focal dystonia?

I think this definition by the Dystonia Research Foundation sums it up best:

“Dystonia is a neurological disorder that causes excessive, involuntary muscle contractions. These muscle contractions result in abnormal muscle movements and body postures, making it difficult for individuals to control their movements. The movements and postures may be painful. Dystonic movements are typically patterned and repetitive.”

Within the realm of focal dystonia, there are several sub-categories. For those whose dystonic symptoms only appear while engaging in a learned, skilled activity, the condition is referred to as task specific focal dystonia.

This includes things as common as “writer’s cramp” (though I suspect that lots of forms of writer’s cramp are not focal dystonia, but simply overuse, or misuse), to surgeons losing their “hand skills” only while performing surgery, to a condition in the sport of golf known as the “yips”, where the golfer shakes uncontrollably before a shot that is normally “easy” to make.

And within the of category of task specific focal dystonia, there is task specific musician’s dystonia, more commonly known as musician’s dystonia, or simply by its acronym, MD.

And to subdivide even further, there are generally two types of musician’s dystonia: hand dystonia and embouchure dystonia (“embouchure dystonia” includes the facial muscles, tongue, jaw, soft palate, sometimes neck muscles, and even respiratory structures).

The first thing you are told if you are diagnosed as having musician’s dystonia, is that there is no cure. There are a few medical modalities that can be applied (medications, botox injections, etc.), that might lessen the symptoms. But I’ve yet to encounter a musician who became permanently “symptom free” from these interventions.

This is in part, because the “mechanism” of the condition is still largely a mystery to medical science, and hence any kind of “cure” is not to be found.

For most musicians who get medically diagnosed as having musician’s dystonia, the advice is often the same: Switch careers.

Well that’s just something that’s not easily accepted by many musicians. It certainly wasn’t easy for me. In fact, I refused accept it.

For “serious”, life-dedicated musicians (whether professional or amateur), the idea of not being able to express ourselves freely, authentically and skillfully through music is tantamount to losing an essential part of what defines us, and what gives deep meaning to our lives.

So I was faced with my only option: work at making my condition better so that I could restore this essential part of my life.

My path was (and continues to be) long, and the learning (and more important, the “unlearning”) process was not a straight line. At first I tried to improve my symptoms by practicing more. Much more.

But the more I practiced, the worst my condition became.

Then I went in the other direction, deciding to take a break from playing saxophone completely in order to see if I would “forget” the old dystonic patterns.

After not touching the instrument for many months (and being at the point where I just couldn’t stand being away from it any longer), I painfully discovered that nothing had changed. If anything I felt even more “dystonic” and disconnected to the saxophone than ever before.

I tried massage, stretching, exercise, change of diet…just about anything I could to try, to alleviate my condition. Nothing seemed to work even in the slightest.

It wasn’t until I discovered the Alexander Technique that things begin to change. It was in my Alexander Technique lessons that I learned three very important things:

First, musician’s dystonia (like any focal dystonia) is a “whole body/whole person” reaction. It is something that affects the coordination of my entire physical (or more precisely, “psycho-physical) organism. As my general “use” began to improve (my quality of movement, balance, posture, attention, etc.), my dystonia symptoms became noticeably fewer and less intense.

Second, a big part of learning to improve my overall “use” was in developing the skill of conscious inhibition, i.e., the ability to keep an unwanted reaction in check. I learned that by simply “giving myself permission to stop” whenever I felt the rise of a dystonic reaction while playing my instrument made an immediate and remarkable improvement in my symptoms.

Third, I learned the importance of accepting my symptoms just as they were in the moment. In short, I developed the ability to stop “reacting to how I was reacting”. I discovered that I could observe myself more discerningly, more objectively and dispassionately. This was an empowering realization, and became emblematic of my emerging skills with conscious inhibition.

(I was so impressed with the efficacy of the Alexander Technique, that I went on to train to become a certified Teacher, and have been teaching since 2006.)

As I applied this work, I also started doing lots of studying, from neuroscience, to kinesiology, to anatomy/physiology, and more. I formulated lots of exercises, explorations and activities based upon my studies, and spent a good deal of time working things out.

My progress often seemed “two steps forward, one step back”, but that was okay. I’ll accept that ratio. My daily practice sessions transformed from frustration, despair and discouragement, to curiosity, exploration, discovery and delight. The process of improvement itself became deeply satisfactory.

Since then I’ve continued to improve my condition to the point where I can play saxophone now with the skill, confidence, connection and authenticity that gives me joy and satisfaction.

I’ve also had the opportunity to help some other musicians with dystonia to improve their condition, and it is for this reason that I’ve created a page on my blog dedicated to offering this help.

So if you have musician’s dystonia (or suspect that you do), please get in touch with me. I always proceed from a place of love, understanding and safety in addressing this condition.

And if you know a musicians that is struggling with musician’s dystonia (whether with the embouchure or hands), please direct them my way.

There is hope…

The Way I Wish I Had Learned To Play Music (Lessons From My Daughter)

I hadn’t given a music lesson to a beginner for almost 30 years, focusing my teaching on musicians further along the learning path. All this changed last Summer, when I decided to give my (then) nine year old daughter, Julia, saxophone lessons.

Mostly I did this just to give her something to work towards on a daily basis during the pandemic lockdown. Julia has always been deeply drawn to music…singing, whistling, clapping and dancing ever since she was a small toddler.

So when I asked if she’d be interested in learning the saxophone, her reply was a resounding “Yes!” We began working together about 4 or 5 days a week, for about 30 to 45 minutes at each session.

The whole process has been fun for me (and more than a little enlightening!) My approach to teaching her has been quite different than lots of the “conventional” ways that children take music lesson. This is mostly because I understand her learning style in great depth

But it’s also because I taught her in a way that seemed to make sense to me based upon what I’ve learned about practicing music over these many years. In essence, I taught her to play saxophone the way I wish I had learned to play.

In a short period of time the two of us found a beautiful, playful daily practice rhythm. In our interactions I began to notice the kinds of things that seemed to make the music come alive inside of her so easily.

So I thought I’d share some of the most essential concepts that helped Julia have a richer, more complete (and if a dare say, a more “natural and comprehensive”) experience in learning to play the saxophone than I did when I started. Here they are:

Begin with curiosity. We would start each session with me asking, “What would you like to play around with and explore today?” This gave her a chance to begin with her own interests and inspiration. From there it was very easy to engage her, keeping her attention lively and flexible. This “curiosity” would be her “warmup” for the day, always a sort of meditation on the very thing that she felt compelled to explore. It also became nicely holistic and comprehensive, as if following her curiosity was the most efficient path to improvement and growth.

Let your ears lead everything. Julia spent the first several months playing 100% by ear. This included singing everything she played. Lots of children songs, simple beautiful melodies…even scales and melodic patterns…all of this started with her internal, aural imagination (and this imagination included many details of the actual musical expression, including color, dynamics and articulation). In Julia’s words: “If I can sing it, I can find the notes on the saxophone.”

Music is movement. And this movement is a “whole body experience”. For Julia, this meant bringing a gentle attention to how she was “using herself” (quality of movement, posture, balance, breathing, etc.), as well as realizing that her entire body was involved in the process of expressing the music. She learned that she was the “instrument”, just as much as the saxophone was (perhaps more so!)

Time and rhythm are (nearly) everything. And speaking of music as movement…there can be music without pitch, but there really isn’t any kind of music without clearly expressed time. Julia learned that lots of the “letting her ears lead” part meant being precise, yet flexible, with time and rhythm. We would play rhythmic games every practice session, chasing and mirroring each other, fooling each other, clapping, “speaking in rhythm”, and even practicing conducting patterns. These rhythmic games really made whatever music she was playing on her saxophone come alive in an immediately expressive way.

Sound quality is (nearly) everything. Because of all of her work by ear, Julia learned early on that the quality of her sound began with her aural imagination. We talked minimally about “embouchure” and “voicing”, and talked more about “How would you like to sound on this song?” It was wonderful to see that things like “support”, “resonance”, “color” and even pitch, all came together quite easily if her imagination was informing the “motor coordination” part of her nervous system.

Improvising is a natural activity, suitable for musicians at any skill level. From day one in our sessions, Julia began to effortlessly and joyously improvise. Even when she could only produce about four different notes, she found a way to “speak” with these notes, using rhythm, dynamics, tone color, melodic voice leading, and the element of surprise. She discovered that music was alive insider her, as long as she was willing to listen to it and allow it to come outside. These improvisational skills profoundly impacted her “interpretive” skills, as well. It’s all music.

We are all composers. Just as in improvising, all of us can “listen” to our muse and find those melodies that are lying there in wait. Even fairly early on in our work together, Julia got to the point where I’d hear her humming an unfamiliar (to me) melody as she sat in her bedroom, reading a book or drawing. I’d come in and ask her what she was humming , and she’d answer that it was something that just “came to her”. So I’d have her find it on the saxophone, then I’d transcribe it (notate it) for the sake of posterity. She came up with some lovely, cogent, highly singable melodies, reminding her yet again that the music lives insider her imagination (not to mention a reverence for the efforts of other composers, and recognition of form in musical composition).

Challenge yourself every day, but bring things into reach. One of the greatest qualities Julia has cultivated over this saxophone learning process is the strength and efficacy of her will. Each day she would come face to face with something she’d like to do on the instrument, but didn’t quite have the skills to make happen. So she learned to be persistent, yet patient and flexible. And the most practical tool she learned was the ability to digress something that was slightly “out of reach” and bring it “within reach”. This allowed her to trust in her efforts and in her process. Nearly any musical challenge becomes possible if we can break it up into bit-sized pieces.

Reading comes last. As I mentioned above (“Let your ears lead everything”), we played together for a long time (several months) before we began to look at any notated music. When Julia began to read, I noticed two important things: First, reading came to her very quickly and easily, as it was clear to her that the notes were just a “map” to what she could hear/imagine; Second, everything she read turned immediately into meaningful, intentional music. In hindsight, part of me wishes I had let her play much longer before introducing notated music. After all, the notation is just an abstraction of the composer’s ideas and the performer’s imagination.

Let kindness color everything. This is perhaps the most important lesson of all. Julia and I approached each practice session with humor, curiosity, creativity, playfulness and self-expression. And never did the process of learning music have anything to do with her “value” as a human being. (That value is in of itself sacred.) Self kindness is the supple energy that cultivates curiosity, enjoyment, growth and satisfaction.

Well, though we can’t go back in time, you and I both have the freedom to decide how we would like to practice and continue to learn (and teach!) music right now. We can aim toward turning our daily practice and teaching into a “whole person” experience, a form of meditation, a playground for curiosity, and a dynamic and gentle refuge for our muse and our growth. Enjoy!

Something You’re Always Doing When You Practice (Even When You Think You’re Not)

I often ask the following “trick” question to my students on the first day of class at the college where I teach the Alexander Technique:

“If one of my students is staring out the window with her eyes glazed over as I’m speaking to the rest of my class (who all seem to be engaged in the topic of conversation), would it be truthful to say that that particular student is paying attention?

Of course most of the students answer with a resounding “No”.

But I always seem to have that one deep-thinking student that disagrees. It’s always something like this:

“Oh she’s paying attention to something. She’s just not paying attention to what you’re saying.”

And that is entirely true.

Or as I often phrase it (if you’ll forgive my use of a “double negative”), “Whenever we are awake, we are never not paying attention.”

You see, as far as the functioning of you brain is concerned, as long as you’re awake, you’re paying attention to something. Always.

So during your practice session:

When you “daydream”, you’re paying attention.

When you’re wondering what you’re going to have for lunch, you’re paying attention.

When you remember something funny that happened yesterday, you’re paying attention.

When you get “distracted” by something (or “blank out” and forget that next phrase you should be able to play by memory), you’re paying attention…

So when you’re practicing your instrument, the question isn’t “Am I paying attention?”

The question is “What am I paying attention to right now?”

And perhaps a more important and constructive question would be, “How can I direct my attention right now to optimize my practice efforts?”

This might be a “where” question, as in “Where am I ‘placing’ my attention?”

Or it could be a “quality” question, as in “How would I describe the quality of my attention?” (Is it “narrow”, “diffused”, “focused”, “scattered”, “calm”, “agitated”, “disengaged”, “playful”, “curious”, to name a few…)

If your attention seems “focused”, you could further inquire, “Is my attention ‘exclusive’ and narrow, or ‘inclusive’ and expansive?”

In other words, is your attention broad enough and flexible enough to easily include noticing what you’re doing with yourself as you practice?(your balance, mobility, ease, breathing etc; what we refer to as your “use” in Alexander Technique jargon)

Or does your tendency to “focus” exclude your sense of what you’re doing with yourself?

Because if you can’t notice how you’re “using” yourself, you run the risk of developing habits of inefficient and even harmful movement patterns you’ll bring into your music making.

On the other hand, does your “focused” attention have you placing too much of your consciousness on the parts of your body that you think are most relevant to playing your instrument? (e.g., wind instrumentalists focusing almost exclusively on the embouchure)

If that’s the case, you might be interfering with the movement and postural mechanisms that work best with a little less direct conscious attention (not to mention making yourself less available to your expressive impulses with the music).

It’s all a matter of balance, isn’t it?

Too much, too little, too broad, too, narrow, too specific, not specific enough…

The key thing to remember is that the way you pay attention impacts how you react. How you react impacts how you learn, experience and express the music. (When I refer to “reaction”, I’m talking about posture, movement, balance, sensory perception, use of time and more.)

And most important of all, you have a choice in how you direct your attention.

So give a bit of your attention to “how you pay attention” as you practice, and discover and develop the attentional qualities that work best for you.

An Important Thing To Notice The Instant You Prepare To Play

One of the most fundamental things to pay attention to regarding your musical practice and performance habits is how you prepare.

This “preparation” can be put into two categories:

  1. What you do the months, weeks, hours and/or moments before you begin to play (as in preparing for a specific performance).
  2. What you do the very brief instant before actually producing a sound on your instrument (both in the practice room and in performance).

Though both of these can have a profound impact upon the quality of your musical experience, today I’m going to address the second of these categories: What you do the instant you prepare to play.

As far as the functioning of your brain is concerned, nearly all motor movement (and all skilled and/or learned motor movement in particular) can not happen without some kind of preparation.

The vast majority of this preparation takes place unconsciously (e.g., postural tone, pre-learned basic motor programs, spatial positioning adjustments, etc.), while a much lesser part of it is conscious (e.g., voicing, “setting” the embouchure, conscious hand placement adjustments, etc.)

Though to function well, it is indeed necessary that most of the things you do to “prepare” the instant before playing are done without any conscious effort, there can sometimes be some negative consequences attached to this lack of attention to the details of what you do:

I’m talking in particular about any habits of reaction you have (movement, posture/positioning, attentional quality/direction, breathing, etc.) that might be keeping you from accessing your optimal coordination.

I use the word “habit” here deliberately, meaning that habit is something that you acquire through repetition. It is something learned and constantly cultivated (for better and for worse). Habits manifest themselves unconsciously, and are never “neutral” (i.e., you are either strengthening or weakening them, depending upon experience).

Again, these unconscious habits are useful and highly desirable if they are truly helping you get what you want.

But what about when they’re not helpful?

One of my main jobs as a teacher of the Alexander Technique is helping my clients understand and discover the “unhelpful” (counterproductive) unconscious habits they might bring to their playing experience.

When my clients learn how to recognize and subtract these habits, their playing opens up in lovely ways. In essence, they find more ease, power, control and satisfaction.

One of the first things I look for when I see a client for the first time is the quality of their preparation. “What does ‘getting ready to play’ look like for them?”

In asking myself this question, I look for several things, various clues as to how they are “using themselves”, both in preparation and in performance: what they’re doing with their bodies, how they are using their eyes, the sound/quality of their breathing, and more.

But the main thing I’m looking at is simply how they are managing the relationship between their head and their spine.

In Alexander Technique jargon, this “head/spine” relationship is known as the “primary control”. F.M. Alexander (the founder of the Alexander Technique) called it that because he found that this relationship had a primary impact upon the functioning of the limbs, quality of balance, breathing, as well as other senses and attentional quality.

A lot of what I look for with a first-time client is what they are “doing” with their neck in preparation to play. (Here by “doing”, I mean the typically unconscious and unnecessary muscular effort they’re applying to the act of playing their instrument.)

In reality, the best thing they can “do” with their neck is… nothing.

Yes, nothing.

You see, it’s this interference with the dynamic relationship (think “balance”, “mobility”, “stability”) of the head to neck relationship that is both a manifestation of, and evidence of, other aspects of misdirected effort.

When this misdirected effort is subtracted (or lessened) the ability to access your natural and healthy coordination is restored. You access the optimal conditions within yourself to more effectively “cooperate” with your glorious human design.

So what do you do with your neck that instant before you prepare to play?

What is the quality of your neck? Is it supple, dynamic and tending toward lengthening?

Or is it perhaps held, rigid and tending toward shortening?

If you notice that you tend to prepare by stiffening, holding onto and/or shortening your neck, maybe you can notice some of the other things you do in relation to that.

In particular, notice your jaw (free or held?), your shoulders, your back, your arms/hands, your knees, your connection to the ground, your breathing…your eyes.

Notice whether any of these other components of your “use” are organized and impacted by what you’re doing with your neck.

See what it’s like when you give yourself a wish to simply leave your neck alone, so that your head can balance freely atop your naturally lengthening spine.

Remind yourself that you don’t need to do anything with your neck to prepare to play those first notes. The unconscious movement/postural mechanisms in your brain already know what to do.

When you’re able to leave your neck alone, see if you can notice how the rest of you changes for the better.

Use a gentle, curious and kind awareness of yourself and your habits, and enjoy discovering more ease and satisfaction in your playing.